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MARRIAGE
The Bible says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the
marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the
sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).
Marriage is a religious covenant whereby two lives
pledge before God to love, honor and be faithful to one another until death
separates them. A Christian marriage
is blessed when both husband and wife seek to put God first in their lives
by obeying his will. Marriage
provides opportunities for spiritual growth, personal intimacy, mutual
trust and responsibility, and mutual effort.
The following Biblical passages speak about God’s will
for the family.
- God
established marriage to be a relationship between one man and one
woman – Genesis 2:18-25.
- The
relationship between Christ and his church is the pattern that governs
the relationship between husband and wife – Ephesians 5:22-33.
- Love
must govern the relationship between all members of the family – 1
Corinthians 13 and Romans 13:8-10.
- God
hates divorce – Malachi 2:13-16; Matthew 19:1-12
- When
members of the family sin against each other, and we are all guilty of
this, Jesus instructs us to be reconciled and forgive one another –
Matthew 18:15-35.
DIVORCE AND ITS
ALTERNATIVE
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s
altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to
your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask,
"Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between
you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her,
though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 15 Has not the
LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because
he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do
not break faith with the wife of your youth. 16 "I hate divorce," says
the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his
garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit,
and do not break faith. (Malachi
2:13-16)
Based on
a 12-22 year follow-up of divorced people the effect of divorce is likely
to be the following:
On children:
1.
More likely
to have behavioral problems
2.
Poor
relationship with parents (both natural and step)
After going through adolescence, adult children of
married couples have high probability of being good friends with their
parents. Children of divorced people
have a high probability of not getting along at all with parents, both
biological and step.
3.
Girls more
likely to have early sex.
4.
More likely
to have negative view of marriage:
Boys may have a sexual fling: no enduring
relationship
5.
Boys may
avoid sex altogether.
When parents remarry, children are more likely
to:
1.
Suffer
physical abuse
2.
Suffer
sexual abuse
3.
Have
behavioral problems
4.
Engage in early
sex
5.
Get into
drugs
6.
Die earlier
7.
Suffer
emotional problems, as compared with children from non-divorced married
couples.
8.
If they
rotate weekends with parents, they lose continuity in religious training or
get no religious training at all and have to contend with differing home
rules.
On parents:
1.
Psychological
stress continues after divorce.
Individuals still have to communicate under supervision of the
court.
2.
Higher risk
of depression. Three times more likely to commit suicide.
3.
Separated
men have 2.3 times greater risk of being admitted to inpatient hospital
care than married men. Separated
women have a 25 times greater risk.
4.
Four and a
half times greater possibility of alcohol abuse, than married people.
5.
More mental
health services needed.
6.
Three times
the accidental mortality rate.
7.
Health-wise
for the man it reduces his life by an average of ten years, the same effect
as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
8.
Men's income
increases by 14% while women's income decreases by 29%
One would expect this to happen. The Bible says: Do not be
deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful
nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please
the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Galations 6:7-8)
Divorce
demands:
1.
A lot of
hard work and money: Personal
protection orders, time in court, lawyers, etc.
2.
Both people
have to come to an agreement about alimony, estate, children, etc.
3.
Both have to
submit to court orders--submit to what was agreed.
4.
Both have to
deal with each other later on ongoing basis to deal with matters concerning
children.
5.
They should
both cooperate in raising children.
For instance, if they play the divorce game for points, trying to
prove to their children that they are right or better than the other, the
children lose.
Instead
of divorce, husband and wife should voluntarily submit to God’s will and
authority.
Why not devote the same energy and time at
pleasing God and accept him as the Lawgiver who regulates your behavior?
1.
Before
marriage
a.
Do not be
guilty of adultery or fornication.
b.
Use
self-restraint and take time to find a marriage partner.
2.
In marriage
a.
Learn how to
forgive. Experience God's
forgiveness. Forgive others. See Romans 12:17-21
b.
Learn submission:
yield to partner. Listen. Try to
please.
c.
Learn
covenant faithfulness. Stick to
agreements.
d.
Learn
unconditional love. Love is not a
feeling; it’s doing what is good for others (wife, husband, children).
e.
Understand
that happy feelings follow obedience.
Judith Wallerstein’s
book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is reviewed in the September
25, 2000 issue of Time Magazine.
A copy of this article is available to you upon request.
How do
we treat cohabiting couples and divorced people?
We aim to relate to them as Jesus did. He offered the water of eternal life to
the Samaritan woman who had been married five times and who was living with
a man (John 4:4-42). He forgave a
woman caught in the act of adultery (John 8:1-11). Yet he makes it clear that people must
leave their life of sin (John 8:11). Repentant people who come to Jesus with
sorrow in their hearts and tears in their eyes are received and forgiven
and made new (Luke 7:36-50).
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